How LDR is Really Like and HOW to Deal With It

They said: I bet they’ll never make it.

There goes that Shania Twain song. *Sighs*

Yes, I know the feels. First, your spine tingles then it gets to your chest, as if a lump is forming there and then it runs up to your eyes and then… No. I am not making you cry.  I know the feels. I do.

It is rather odd that in the past couple of weeks I have been seeing posts in my social media accounts about LDR (Long Distance Relationship) and it seems as if this category has evolved into something less of what it actually was and has been mistaken to a cyber relationship.

Some videos are also sooo misleading that they are tagged as long distance relationship when in fact they aren’t but was just tagging along the lines of modern dating and communication.

FYI : Just so you know, just because you are SKYPEing your partner doesn’t mean it is LDR.
: Just because you are video chatting doesn’t mean you are in LDR.
: Just because he is spending a week or two on vacation doesn’t mean it is LDR.

Yes, we can be thankful to the new world for they overcame geographical boundaries and any relationship can benefit from this.

What is LDR?

First, why am I qualified to tell you about this and why should you read this?

1. I know people who are actually in a long distance relationship,and no,they are both in the same country and

2. I was (or currently) in a long distance relationship.

So if there is anyone who could advise you on such a matter, it is nobody but a person who is being or has been through LDR.

So, WHAT IS LDR?

1. It is LDR if you cannot go on a date unplanned

Everything should be in schedule. Unlike other couples, you cannot see each other whenever you feel like it. You usually have to plan at least a week in advance for a three-hour-date and if you’re lucky, the whole day.

2. You can count in your fingers the number of times you saw each other in a month or in a year

Because it seems like a rare occasion, you dress up big time! You wear new clothes even if you know,or you don’t even have to impress him with the size of your wardrobe because like I mentioned, dating comes not too often and simply,

3. You are in LDR if you have to travel three hours to see him for one

From the term itself, long distance. Of course, travel time varies but if you know you are kilometres away and you realise that you spend more time of the day sitting in the cab or in the bus more than the time you spend together, then definitely it is LDR.

Now if your relationship is not going through any of these on a regular basis, then it is not LDR. Based on my experience, LDR is not temporary. It is something quite permanent at the moment (who knows what’s gonna happen in the next years, right?).

HOW DO YOU COPE WITH A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP?    

I have to admit that there are two types of LDR, a relationship that has been like it since the beginning, and the one that has just become one. Regardless, they are both LDR. Mine was LDR since the beginning so at first, I didn’t feel the complications, but a few months deeper into it, I begun feeling dragged by the depression that came along with it.

1. When you HAVE to see him because you MISS HIM SOOO MUCH!

There was a time then when I was on the ride home after work, at night, we were exchanging messages on the phone when I suddenly smelled his perfume. Of course, it wasn’t his or him for the matter but I suddenly realised we haven’t met for three months and while I was texting, I felt like crying in the bus! The feeling was sooo bad the texting couldn’t compensate even after I got home. So what did I do? I called him. Hearing his voice made me sadder but it was better! I closed my eyes and he was already beside me. You know what he did on the other line when he heard my voice breaking? He teased me, saying that his gorgeousness got me like that. It worked. When I was feeling down, he would be the person who would be on the lighter side.

2. When you cannot celebrate anything together

LET IT GO. As simple as that. We never celebrated anything not even our anniversary. Simply because we couldn’t. So, you gave up just like that? No. I did not give up. I became a considerate and practical girlfriend. We are not like any other couples. We were hours apart. It is not a!ways that you have to go through the rocks to show how much you love each other. Back then, I didn’t need proof because if he didn’t, why would he bear an LDR with me when he could just pick some other girl? I also gave him the peace of mind that I am safely with him at my own home.

3. when people say you are not prioritised

Don’t listen to them. It is you and him who are in that relationship and not them. No one knows your story better than the two of you do. No one knows you and him better that you two know each other. One mistake I did then was the time I forgot what and how we were and listened to people say how we should be that I started looking for a relationship that is not us. Wrong move. I regret that up to this day ( I explain why in the link).

4. When you can’t always be together

Our planned dates were usually cancelled and we only get to actually see each other after at least three months. Yes, there never was a time when we saw each other twice in a month or two, it would always be at least three months and only for a few hours. It was all because of work. But that was okay, he was running his business so was I, and we were mature enough to understand that we have worlds outside our own world so the cancellations did not matter because he makes up for it in his own ways. So I LET IT GO. It never became a cause of argument . Remember, never entertain negative thoughts because when you do you are not just ruining your relationship but also yourself.

I’m glad we didn’t listen, look at what we could be missing.

5. When he can’t be the boyfriend who just shows up in the middle of the rain with flowers. But he is the boyfriend who loves you and dreams of you from afar. Do not put too much expectations on something you know is limited.

If he loves me he will go through the odds just to see me blah, blah,blah

Isn’t the long distance not a huge odd enough to prove how much he wants you?  Believe it or not, he feels the same way you do when he can’t see you, or smell you or show you off to his friends. Men just have different ways of processing emotions but every cry, every I miss you, every whine and sadness you project in the relationship creates a ripple in him, too. This type of relationship is different and difficult, what you need are: compromise, understanding and trust. Never compare your relationship to others, every relationship is unique and with different “requirements.” Most especially, every guy is different.

So, it all boils down to two things: acceptance of how you really are and the limitations that go along with it and being realistic with your demands and your ideal “us.”

And as I finish this post, my brain reminds me of this line:

We beat the odds together… We’re still together, still going strong.

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