“How did you move on?”
This is one question I find appalling.
When I was asked this, I just smiled and laughed for two reasons:t, I was embarrassed to even talk about it and second, I could even ask myself this question: have I?
Jumping straight into the climax of my so called love story, I ended up crying literally day and night for three months, that does not include the occasional tearing up whenever I am touched by realities reminding me of how bitter my ending was, because he was the first and last thought I was ecstatic to have everyday. That also entailed certain actions I got used to doing daily for months on end that were stopped harshly and abruptly, it was too painful a curve!
He was everything that was wonderful in my world that breaking up with him shattered not just my emotions but even my ego. Yes. I will be brave by admitting that. I was hurt. My ego was hurt, feeling shamed that in spite of guys crying over me before, I ended up with a guy who made me cry oceans more than what my former suitors cried for me.
And the worst thing is, for a while, I have forgotten my self worth that I was willing to make him stay around me in any and every possible way there is. The worst thing I did… I kept in touch with the guy who broke my heart feeding the hope that he would change his mind.
And then one day, I realised I had to stop inflicting pain towards myself by keeping me from looking at anything mundane that would somehow be related to him or to what we had. For five days, I broke contact with him. I did not watch movies, I listened to Taylor Swift’s and Cher Lloyd’s upbeat songs and realised that I missed that part of myself.
I missed being able to be alone with me, without my hands being glued to my phone because I was depending my happiness on another person: my ex. I even had a special ringtone so I would know if it was him. Geez, that’s chilling!
During the five days, I wished hard that my phone would ring that he would be the first one to notice I am missing. The first two days were ruthless, my phone was dead silent. I wept. The third to the fifth day was easier but I was still thinking about him. I guess when you have loved someone you really never stop caring. Sixth day, I sent him a message. Playing scenes in my head that maybe he would not reply or he would say that he has a new girl but no. He texted back and became sweet, admitting he missed talking to me and admitted how he is being proud that I got to outgrow the girl in me who was needy and clingy. That day, I finally understood a Guy’s Take on Neediness.
After a couple of days, I broke contact with him again and it was not hard anymore. I couldn’t say I have moved on but I started to accept the fact that we are no longer together. That moment I knew I was stronger.
During this time, I have met other guys who I rejected because I was waiting on him. But after tireless waiting, the one thing I have tattooed on my mind was that the best way to make him love me again is to feel good about myself because if I did I would be loved by the world. I thought that a happy woman’s smiles become contagious. And people love a person who embodies contentment, confidence and joy.
A man likes a woman who feels good about herself because he feels good about himself, too. A man would marry a woman probably because he wants that feeling to stay forever.
These are the 5 WAYS TO MOVING ON:
1. 1 stopped waiting.
2. I wrote an unsent goodbye letter to him.
3. I deleted some of our photos.
4. I stopped being available for him whenever simply because I wanted him to value the worth of my time and if he wanted it, he had to earn it!
So I changed.
Not for him nor to get him back, but for myself and to regain the respect and dignity I have somewhat lost during the time I fed my mind with the illusion of cinematic romance. I regained the independent happiness that slumbered within me and when I started looking outwards from the box of what we once were, I saw a colourful, vibrant world that I have forgotten for so long.
I focused too much on who he was, what we were and what we would be that I lost consciousness that there is still a world outside our little planet that we need to still be part of.
He was everything that was wonderful in my world but there are still other special things around me in this world outside my lucid dreams of finding that one great love.
How did I move on?
I started loving myself and believing that happiness can come from within me. I became normal: I began spending more time with the girlfriends I took for granted, did activities other people found amusing and most of all, the first thing I should have done from the very beginning, accepted the truth that he stopped loving me. No explanations, no excuses, he just stopped. But I began falling in love with myself more and deeply that I hated to see me cry over a broken heart again.
I guess there are people you meet and love because these are people who brought you miracles. We may no longer be pursuing our plans of having a nice and simple beach wedding, a two-storey home and having a cute, fat and smart first born but what is sure is the absurd reality that we are staying as good friends.
They say that ex lovers who are friends are still in love or never have been. I think, we still do love each other but not in a way that we used to. Maybe we were really meant to just be friends but confused the attraction for something else.
He used to be the man I was going to marry but now, he is my guy best friend who comforts me when I am stressed, encourages me when I am down most especially, someone who taught me that I can be loved because I am beautiful. And I don’t need a man to prove that.
And the last thing I did was:
5. I reversed the process of falling in love with someone then trying to become beautiful in his eyes to falling in love with myself first then being revered by the world.